A Guide To Set Healthy Boundaries And Help Become A Better Version Of Yourself

Table of contents 

• Types of boundaries 
• Symptoms of lack of boundaries 
• How to set healthy boundaries?
• Benefits of setting boundaries 
• Few more tips and tricks 
• Setting boundaries in different settings

Boundaries helps decide where to start and where to end. Healthy boundaries gives you a sense of well- being. "Boundaries are separation that humans need- mentally, emotionally and physically - to feel safe, valued and respected," explains Carl Marie Manly.

Types of boundaries 

• Flexible boundaries (soft boundaries): those things where you can negotiate or compromise are called as soft boundaries. Suppose you want a dress from your wishlist cart but you would want a better deal. Then you can wait for a price drop or, might not buy it for the hike of its price. 
• Hard boundaries: those things where you deny to negotiate or compromise. For example you would never be friends with a drug addict. 

What does having no boundaries looks like?

Setting boundaries becomes important in various situations. Setting boundaries foster happy and healthy relationships. Manly explains " in general, boundary issues tend to occur from allowing your own boundaries to be crossed or crossing others' boundaries."

Few common signs which indicates lack of boundaries are mentioned below:

• Seeking for people pleasing attitude and remaining constantly concerned about others opinion.
• Fear of being rejected makes you settle for less then you deserve.
• Accepting public insults by the people who loves to mistreat others publicly or in private.
• Always saying "yes" even when your inner self is screaming a "no" as you lack the confidence to deny somebody.
• Not able to speak up for yourself even if it hurts you financially, emotionally. 

If you are somebody who often falls under these situations it is quite possible that you have not set your boundaries. It is time to get it done.

How to set healthy boundaries?

Boundaries are like stop signs which depends on your values, beliefs, family traditions and cultural customs. Here are few tips that may help you set your boundaries as per your requirements. 

• Maintain clarity: what you do not like take it as a sign that you need to set boundaries here. Keep noticing yourself and be clear with your feelings.
• Take small steps: it is always advisable to take small steps when you are doing it for the first time. In the beginning it can be tough and uncomfortable but with practice you will get better at it. 
• Be simple: ask yourself what you like and what you dislike. Based on your feelings keep yourself clear and well communicated. Do not make your instructions too complicated for others to understand. 
• Keep practicing: write a few situations where you would like to say 'no' and set your boundaries. Practice in isolation a few times then with your family and friends. 

Benefits of setting boundaries 

Setting healthy boundaries is often good for your mental, and emotional health. You become free from 

• Stress               
• anxiety 
• depression 
•  gives you a sense of security 
• fosters robust healthy relationships 

Other benefits are:

• Provides stability :setting limits makes you more balanced. You might want to attend a night out party with your friends but sticking to your routine is better for your work life balance.
• You have less complaints: when you have terms and conditions explained with others most probably people are less likely to breach them. You might like to help people but overdoing spoils them and exhausts you. Over dependency frustrates you making you full of resentments. Setting boundaries helps prevent such situations.

Setting boundaries in different settings 

• At work:most of us feel awkward to say no in our profession setting. If not done properly it can at times take toll on our mental health.
• Set boundaries for yourself: do not accept working beyond committed hours or under unworkable conditions. Do not tasks you are not suppose to do. Learn to say "no" firm and politely.
• Approach your authorities: keep yourself in touch with authorities of your company. Do not accept any form of ab from your colleague, seniors of managers know whom to approach and when with confidence.

With parents :There are times when our parents take us for granted. If not addressed then it becomes stressful in the long run. But while dealing with parents

• Be respectful: your need to explain yourself to your parents as an adult with an eye contact, watch your tone.
• Discuss the issues: talk to them what is bothering you. They might understand their irrational behaviour. Having a healthy discussion always helps.

With friends and family 

• Avoid gossiping: it is most disturbing to hear something from someone other then you two two friends. This destroys your image trust in your friend's eyes. Keep away from indulging in such activities. It can backfire anytime.
• Address the issue directly: youp find your friend talking bad about you address it with that person directly. Let not any third person get involved between two guys.

Read more :Benefits of Journaling

Frequently asked questions:

Q.1.what causes poor boundaries?

Poor boundaries often reflects low self esteem, poor emotional health. Poor boundaries can hamper your personal growth which is not desirable.

Q.2.How is setting boundaries important?

Setting boundaries we end up prioriting our needs over others which in turn helps us save time and energy. It increases our health and happiness.

Q.3. Is setting boundaries a value?

Setting boundaries is ofcourse a core value. It helps us define our priorities and our image.

Read more:How to Avoid Procrastination-WhatsApp Are The 5Ways To Avoid procastination

Listening To Podcast Helps You Improve Life Quality

 

Table of contents

• Benefits of podcast 
• Few more advantages of podcast 
• Podcast vs audiobook 
• Things to keep in mind(precautions)

Listening to podcasts undoubtedly has several benefits. Podcast culture is booming in this digital era. With podcasts various arenas are covered. Health, relationship , education, sports, security ( personal or international) the list goes on. Interacting with experts from different fields helps audience become aware of dos and don'ts towards living a quality life. Experts with their invaluable experience are able to share useful tips and tricks for public welfare. 

This is an innovative, hassle free way of communication. We have invaluable advices(information) coming from invaluable people for free. We all are part of this revolutionary (digital) era. Podcasting is making best use of this system. This podcasting culture is helping us grow into a beautiful, much self aware beings. This is helping us tap into our hidden potential. 

Benefits of podcasts

• It is easy to access: you can listen to podcast while you are traveling, cooking, walking. 
• Helps you get expert advices: most of the good podcast channels gets experts as their guests. They are the ones who practice their profession for years. Their viewpoints are trustworthy and assured of quality. 
• Advices are reliable: when you follow an authentic channel you come across people who have been in their profession for several years. After long they master their skills making them reliable and trustworthy. 
• Low cost: we get all such expert advices for almost free. All you need is internet connection to your devices which is most of the times pocket friendly.
• Improves the quality of life: the quality suggestions when implemented makes you improve the quality of your own life. 

In one podcast I heard an eye surgeon ( an expert with over 35 years of experience) saying that we should never wash our eyes with water or put any sort of drops be unless it is medically recommended. It may leads to dryness of eyes which is not treatable. A person has to live with eye irritation for life. To tell you the truth I used to wash my eyes with water sometimes. But after hearing him I completely gave this practice. It is such a trivial information but the quality of life depends on it. An eye has natural cleansing mechanism. It needs no human intervention for its hygiene.

Few more advantages to keep in mind about podcasts 

• It entertains you: podcasts are a different from of entertainment. Everyone do likes to hear stories of a detective or army personnel or police or something that is unheard. Various stories about jail life or an advocate's journey stirs our imagination. 
• It gives you different insights: podcasts helps you see the same world from a different perspective. Have you ever heard a podcast with a jailer? They have a different perspective of this world altogether. 
• It educates you: listening to good podcasts like educational ones makes us aware of a better way of managing our mental, physical health, relationships. 

Podcast versus audiobooks 

You might question me, isn't it better to listen to audiobooks instead of podcasts?

My answer to which would be, books and podcasts are of different genres. Both do looks the same on the surface level. Commonality between the two is both involves our auditory senses(ears). 

Both differs by structure. Books are more formal in structure and format while podcasts can be informal with a touch of personal touch. Plus if you develop a connection with the host and the guests of the podcasts you feel you are a part of conversation. 

Things to keep in mind :

•  Do not overdo it: do not burnout yourself with podcasts. Overload of informations will trigger frustration. 
• Prioritise your interest: not all podcasts are important for you. Choose as per your likes and dislikes. Avoid listening to podcasts you don't like.
• Be regular: include listening to podcast in your routine. You can listen something while you are walking in your park in morning or evening.
• Make notes: whenever you come across a good valuable advice note it down. Otherwise it can very easily slip out of your mind. Revisit them whenever possible. Try to include those advices in your life.
• Follow the advices: try to walk upon the advices that makes sense to you. Like when you are working on screen for long hours look away from screen every 15-20 minutes. This will help your eyes relax. This is an advice was given by an eye expert. Since I heard it I have been following it.
• Follow authentic channels: there are countless numbers of people running their own podcast channel. And ofcourse not all of them are authentic or of your use. So choose wisely. Go for experts advices only.
• Do not follow everything blindly: when you get accustomed to this podcast culture you will feel overwhelmed with a number of advices. Remember not all of them are to be followed. Start small. Look what suits you best. Do not feel pressurized of guilty if you miss out or do not want to follow other advices. 

Podcasts are easy and authentic way towards improving the quality of life. It is something everyone of us must include in our routine. It will help us improve the quality of our life.

Read more:Benefits of Journaling

Frequently asked questions:

Q.1. Do podcasts improves listening skills?

Podcasts are highly recommend by language experts. Podcasts gives an exposure to various accents, authentic contexts and natural speech development. 

Q.2.Do podcasts help your brain?

Listen to podcasts stirs your imagination and mental imagery. It also improves our cognitive functions. 

Q.3. Do podcasts reduces stress?

Podcasts definitely reduces stress level. It supports us emotionally, helps develop different perspectives of the same world. It brings self-awareness which do helps us remind clam and strong in various situations.

Read more:How to Avoid Procrastination- What are The 5Ways To Avoid ProcrastinationW

Can Introverts Become Successful Leaders - Myths About Leadership Busted !

Table of contents 

• Can introverts become a leader?
• Introverts versus extroverts 
• Are people born leaders?
• Myths about leadership 
• Some common traits of a leader.
• How to become a good leader?

Bill Gates, Mahatma Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt are amongst some of the most powerful introvert leaders in the history of humankind. There are many others like them. Research suggests that introverts can become very powerful leaders.

This clearly busts the myth we have been carrying for years that only an extrovert can be a good leader. It is a no prerequisite. Extroverts by nature are more assertive and radiate lots of energy. But that does not means they can make good leaders as well.

Introverts versus extroverts

Introverts: they are the ones who likes to spend time themselves. Who are comfortable doing things alone. They do not involve much with their surroundings. They are great at listening and do not like to talk(socialise) much. 

Extroverts: they are such people who loves spending time with people (groups) socialising. They love to discuss their mind with others. They are comfortable mixing with large group of people as well. They are often assertive in nature and exudes lots of energy. 

Introverts and extroverts has different skill sets. Both have their own advantages and strengths. Both are important in their own settings.

Are people born leaders?

This question do not have a clear answers as per researches. But we can for sure work upon the qualities needed by a leaders and improve with practice. 

Here are some popular myths about leadership.

• Leaders are born leaders: it is a misconception that people are by birth leaders. Leaders are often a product of training, qualities and capabilities. Anyone of us who is willing enough to put the amount of labour it takes to become a leader will definitely end up being one sooner or later.
• Extroverts makes good leaders: extroverts by nature looks more confident, energetic. Introverts are good listeners, good with decision making. Both introverts and extroverts can bring different sets of skills to the table. Both has  different strengths.
• Leadership means authority: leadership is about inspiring others to achieve goals. Effective leaders comes from any position in any organisation or any strata of the society. Position in level of ranking is not actually a matter of concern for them. It is not necessary for a leader to hold high positions in hierarchy only. 
• Leaders are always confident: leaders not compulsorily needs to carry confidence and exceptional public speaking skills. These qualities are not prerequisite but additional (helpful) attributes for self growth. Leaders key role lies in inspiring others, handling a chaotic situation.

Some common traits of  a leader

• Fills you with motivation: a leader will help you cope up with tough situations, will pull you out of troubles and charge you with motivation from within. 
• Visionary: future sightedness is common in leaders. They knows the impulse of the audience. Where the crowd is heading, what turns it can take is predicted by the leaders. This ability to for see further is appreciated.
• Inclusive leadership skills: leader is one who make everyone feels valuable. A leader should make sure that each individual makes their presence felt, everybody's efforts counts. Research shows that inclusive leadership results in 54% lower employer turnover.
• Strong decision making skills:most of the times leaders are good with decisions making. But at times they may makes wrong decisions but that does not makes them less of a leader. Learning from failures is a skill too. More important is that when a decision is take it should be taken with full responsibility. 
• Ability to solve conflicts: conflicts are inevitable part of leadership journey. Good leaders are capable of navigating through them. It is an important skill to have.
• Good communication skills: when you are good with communication you can convey your message with ease. 

How to become a good leader?

• Active listener: first of all to become a good leader you need to become a good (active) listener. Listening somebody carefully helps you understand better making you respond sensibly.
• Build connections: a good leader always empathizes with their audience. They are able to tap the impulse of the people around them and connect emotionally. Connecting emotionally makes help have a longer impact on the people.
• Accept challenges (failures): a good leader is one who accepts their failures and take it as an opportunity to grow. They do not give up to the hands of challenges. This makes more acceptable amongst people. 
• Take responsibility: a leader will always take the responsibility of a failure on their shoulder. They do not run away or shrug their shoulders when being faced with difficult situations.
• Communicate clearly: leaders are ones who communicates well (clearly) with the people. Who is clear with their ideas and their implementations. 

Introverts can makes fantastic leaders as they own the qualities like active listening, empathy and they also possess the ability to build deep connections. This in turn helps them grow stronger even as a leader and also as an individual. 

Read more: How to avoid Procrastination -what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination

Frequently asked questions 

Q.1. What is an introvert leader weakness?

For introverts their ability to connect with lesser number of people becomes a challange for them. They tend to surround themselves with limited people. This makes their social connections poor. They are not not an assertive personality. This again becomes a challenge for them. They lack the ability to firmly put their voice before others.

Q.2.Who is the richest introvert?

Warren Buffett is called as the richest man who is an introvert. He is an businessman from America, an investor, and philanthropist who is  currently serving as the co-founder, chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway.

Q.3. Why do introverts make good leaders speech?

Introverts are humble by nature. It helps them in managing people and makes them want to serve other people not worrying about their own capacity.  It is this trait that makes introverts different. They advocate for leaders to assist their team in achieving their goals too.

Read more:Benefits of journaling

Does Assertive Communication Skill Really Makes You A Better Communicator Then Others!

 

Table of contents 

• What is assertive communication skills?
• Benefits of assertive communication 
• Few key points to remember
• Being assertive vs being aggressive 
• How to get good with assertive communication skills? 
• Being assertive in different situations 
• Frequently asked questions 

Have you ever felt bad for yourself for working too long because you are uncomfortable saying 'no'. You end up screwing your plans, routine as you were up late working for somebody. That's where assertive communication skills comes in handy. 

Assertive communication means getting your feelings, thoughts,priorities well communicated without being disrespectful towards others. Being assertive makes you more confident, stronger. You can become more assertive by being honest, avoiding judgements and laying focus on your feelings.

Benefits of assertive communication 

When you know that you have communicated yourself well you feel confident and respected.

• You develop trust with others.
• You feel less anxious.
• Your stress , anxiety reduces.
• You feel your boundaries are protected.

Assertive communication set limits (draw boundaries)in different situations. This helps avoid developing resentment within you or others, making any relationship healthier.

Tips and tricks to become better assertive communicator

To come across as an assertive communicator you will have to focus on few key points. This will will help you communicate yourself clear and better.

• Be respectful towards others feelings. Mind your tone and words while talking.
• Be simple and straight forward with your message. Beating round the bush is not helpful. Such activities will tarnish your image. 
• Convey your opinions. Be crip, clear and confident with your opinions. Also, do not be rigid. Accept changes wherever possible with your opinions. 
• Your body speaks more then words. Hold good body postures that conveys your confidence, honesty and strength. Do not look manipulative. Also remain respectful towards others opinions.
• Good eye contact should be maintained throughout a conversation. It helps you perceived as an honest person.

Be assertive not aggressive 

Being assertive is different from being aggressive. This line is very fine. You must be very careful while being assertive. It is always confused with being aggressive. But being aggressive and passive is different. Being assertive is the middle ground between the two.

Those who are people pleaser, who cannot say "no" are often categorised as people with passive behaviour. Always looking after the needs of others ignoring owns needs causes lack of control over one's own life. This fills you with resentment and toxicity. 

Talking about the aggressive people they often reflects the following Symptoms: 

• They are disrespectful towards others opinions and emotions.
• They often violates others boundaries. It becomes fun for them. 
• Always puts their own needs over others even if it hampers relationship.

How to get good with assertive communication skills?

Through practice you can become an assertive communicator. This skill will help you in all the areas of your life. Given below tips will help you get better with this skill.

• Set boundaries for yourself: you should set some firm boundaries not to be overstepped. This might feel uncomfortable for you at first but with practice it will become easy.
• Practice regularly: when someone breaches your boundary you should stand for it. At times when people may react violently but that is okay. Everyone will understand with time.
• Say "no" more often: prioritise your needs over others. After all you will have to take charge for your life. Doing additional work will gain you nothing other then tensions. Say "no" more often. 
• Be confident 

Being assertive in settings like:

• At work : it becomes important to communicate well in the professional settings otherwise you can be very easily be taken for granted either by your own colleagues or seniors. Good communication in professional settings also makes you come across as a capable candidate. 
• In Familial settings: it is good keep yourself well communicated with the family members as well. This will bring you less troubles in several contexts. 
• Amongst friends: when you do not entertain nonsense or unnecessary demands your friends often tend to demand from you you remain hassle free. You might come across as rude to them but healthy boundaries go long way for your good. 
• Random people : it is also important to stick to your boundaries while talking to strangers in parks or clubs or anywhere. There are less chances for you to be taken for granted and you come across as a stronger person. 

Assertive communication skills is ofcourse a skill if you do not possess much try to cultivate within you. This will make you  grow strong and also fill you with confidence. 

Read more: Benefits of journaling

Frequently asked questions:

Q.1. Is being assertive good for a job?

Yes assertive people make good leaders ,managers. They get things done by treating colleagues fairly and with respect. Assertive employees are often well-liked and are seen as colleagues that people want to work with.

Q.2.Are assertive people more successful?

It is often seen that all successful people atleast has one trait in common and that is 'assertiveness'. 

Q.3.What is an assertive person? 

Someone who is always ready to chase what they want. They are confident and able to express themselves clearly to others without any hesitation are called as assertive people. They keep their interest above others without being disrespectful towards them. 

Q.4.Are we born assertive?

We all are born with this innate quality of assertiveness. Have seen babies? All of them cry, tantrums when you do not fulfilled their demands. They are least bothered about your capacity to fulfill any of their demands. This is the true nature of any being. But as we, we gradually adap our behaviour to fit in with the responses we receive from people.

Read more: How to avoid Procrastination -what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination

Grit and resilience Leading to Growth Mindset !

Table of contents 

• What is grit?
• How to develop grit?
• Is it really helpful in improving your confidence?
• Tips and tricks to develop grit and resilience 

In the book " The power of passion and perseverance", Angela Lee Duckworth explains grit as applying focused attention, resilience, perseverance and dedication to achieveing specific long term goals.

She further states that " the single trait in our complex and wavering nature which accounts for success" is grit. According to her grit is capable of beating even natural talent and intelligence.

What is grit?

Researchers suggests that grit is a quality that is seen in every successful person. Be it an athlete or a famous scientist or a business person like Elon Musk.

The ability to continue doing a goal despite several distractions and hurdles is called as grit. The capacity to eliminate or postpone any temptations (distractions) in order to fulfill a particular goal is known as grit.

Is grit different from resilience?

Most of us confuses grit with resilience. But the two are different concepts. While grit means perseverance for a longer period of time for any particular goal, resilience means the ability to recover from a setback. Not giving up to challenges and difficulties. 

Grit is a mindset. Not giving up is a mindset. In order to achieve any long term goals grit becomes an important factor. People who have more grit and who are more resilient accepts obstructions and challenges. This attitude helps them grow stronger. 

What grit looks like?

It is common to see the given below characteristics in people who possess grit.

• Perseverance: the most obvious behaviour to be found in gritty people is perseverance ( the attitude of not giving up). Such people do not gives in to temptations and are good with eliminating distractions. They have positive outlook towards challenges. Those who lacks perseverance they are likely to give up easily. It becomes difficult for them to face challenges.
• Resilience: resilience is the ability recover from a setback. The sooner you recover the stronger you grow. If you fall and do not stand again you lack resilience. True grit is always backed by resilience.
• Commitments: this characteristics is equally important to have. This means you are serious about the deadlines. Those who lacks commitments lacks a sense of responsibility. This is symbolic of poor mindset.

How to develop grit?

There are several things one can do to develop grit. All it takes is the will to practice more and more.

• Practice: like any other skill this can also be developed with practice. Consciously try to put yourself a situation that you would otherwise would love to avoid. Like any other activity (playing piano, dancing, coocking) we get better with practice similarly we would get better with grit.
• Start small: do not burnout yourself byy doing a lot of things you dislike in one go. Instead, start with one activity at a time. Gradually increase. 
• Spend time with people with gritty attitude: this helps a lot. Our environment has a lot of influence on us. Surrounding yourself with people with gritty attitude will naturally make you more gritty.
• Reward yourself: whenever you find yourself doing something that helps you boost your grit acknowledge it and reward yourself. You can eat a chocolate or watch a movie. 

Is state of flow different from grit?

With grit you can get to the top but how long you can stay there is something that remains unanswered. State of flow helps in maintaining the peak of the performance. Research suggests that state of flow is becoming one with what you do. Only then unimaginable creativity comes into existence.

This is the digital era we are living in where everything is just a click away from us. So it is we have a habit of relishing instant gratification. All of us looks for quick results. In such scenarios perseverance and resilience can be challenging, even frustrating. However, determination, direction and practice will help you become a "gritty" person who will relish the victory of overall success. 

Read more: Benefits of journaling

Frequently asked questions 

Q.1. How are grit and resilience related?

Grit and resilience are often taken as the same thing while there exist a fine difference between the two. Resilience is the capacity to carryout doing a work even after being faced with several challenges. The ability to win over setbacks is resilience. Whereas grit is perseverance. 

Q.2. How to raise kids with grit?

You become a model for them. Try to praise their efforts and not their success after completing a task. Most importantly teach them to learn from mistakes and handle failures. 

Q.3. What is an example of a grit mindset?

People who are in sports can be very frequently spotted with gritty attitude. They donot see failures as setbacks instead they see it as an opportunity to become even better. They have a growth mindset. While people with fixed mindset surrenders to the hands of pressure and challenges. 

Read more: How to avoid Procrastination - what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination

Embracing discomfort means getting comfortable being uncomfortable!!

 

   

   Table of contents 

• What is meant by being uncomfortable?
• What is embracing discomfort? 
• Comfortable vs scared
• How to overcome the anxiety of being uncomfortable?

Being Comfortable with uncomfortable means consciously striving to step out of your comfort zone. Only when we step out of our comfort zone magic happens. When we accept discomfort we are no more concerned about things being smooth , trouble free or frictionless. Only when we face hardships, struggles we grow. Be assured with one thing that comfort and growth cannot coexist. 

Most of the time being uncomfortable is beneficial for you. Everyone of us has heard of the 'saying no pain no gain'. It is like if you want big strong muscles you will have to go to the gym regularly. In order to be best with swimming you have to practice swimming regularly. Sitting in your couch with bowl full of chips and movies on large screen will not help. 

Stepping out of your comfort zone is a mandatory step towards achieving success. You have to make your comfortable with getting uncomfortable everyday. For you to stretch your limits you will have to try new,challenging, uncomfortable things. You will have to push your limits each day. This will help you increase your tolerance level for discomfort. Facing new challenges makes you stronger. 

It is very normal to initially find yourself hurt and difficult to accept discomforts. But with time you will develop will  to sail through all the challenges. You will learn through mistakes making you a better and stronger version of yourself. 

Being uncomfortable Is different from being scared

You can consciously put yourself into uncomfortable situations. It is a choice you can make yourself. You know that the discomfort,pain you are going through now will help you become a better version of yourself tomorrow. 

While being scared is totally a different scenario. Being scared is being engulfed with the emotion of fear, anxiety. This is never good. It might cause stress, depression. We are often scared about that that are not in our control. 

You are fearful of the interview you gave yesterday. Shifting to a new city makes you uncomfortable since everything would be different there. It takes time to adapt to the changes. This adapting attitude is important. It will help you sail through any given situation. With every new challenge you will gain experience and knowledge making you more mature and robust.

How to find comfort in uncomfortable situations?

It is very important to embrace this feeling of discomfort for self development. You cannot expect your writing skills to improve while you sit and watch Netflix the whole day. For your writing to improve you need to write more and more. Write when you are excited to write and also write when you do not feel like writing. 

Given below are few tips and tricks you can follow to find comfort in uncomfortable situations. 

• Accept challenges: consciously do something that makes you uncomfortable. Do things that makes builds your confidence, prepares you for unseen challenges. Especially do things do things that are out of your comfort zone. 
• Make list of challenging activities: you will excercise daily, talk to random people or visit orphanage. These are the tasks that challenges your comfort. Listing will help you remember.
• Try new and different activities: this will bring experience and confidence. This will also help you adapt flexibility making you grow as a whole.
• Get comfortable with being uncomfortable socially: take steps towards being more interactive socially. Talk to people where you might otherwise feel uncomfortable and try to avoid. You will make you handle rejections, boost confidence. 

Few more tips and tricks:

• Start small.
• Remain aware and practice meditation.
• Practice putting yourself in uncomfortable situations whenever possible.
• Do not compare yourself with others and record you own development over time.

One cannot see growth if you do not accept challenges. Facing uncomfortable situations makes you grow strong. Every great person would is successful has always accepted challenges headon. They see challenges as opportunities. This is attitude that makes you winner. 

Read more:How to avoid Procrastination -what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination

Frequently asked questions

Q.1.How to accept uncomfortable feelings?

Acknowledge your feelings. See what you feel like. You are happy, sad. Dig deep into what is bothering you. Try to focus on your present. Past and future are often uncertain which brings us anxiety.

Q.2.How to deal with emotional discomfort?

Self-care can help us deal with emotional discomfort. Try to involve yourself that cheers you up. Keeping yourself in positive state of mind is important.

Q.3.Why am I so uncomfortable with emotions?

When we are faced with some sort negetive experience in the past after expression of emotions it stays with us for long. This negative experience keeps us from expressing any sort of emotions. 

Q.4.Is it normal to cry when uncomfortable?

We tend to cry when we feel hurt Physically or emotionally. After crying our stress reduces. This happens because of the release of endorphins that claims us down feeling happier.

Read more: Benefits of journaling

Nothing in Life is Perfect: Perfection is an Illusion

Table of contents 

•Perfection do not exist

•Embrace uniqueness 

•Believe in self-love rather then perfection

People often has regarding the idea of perfection. We all want to post a perfect picture on Instagram, write perfect book, build a perfect home for ourselves and so on. In this desire to chase perfection we of often end up not enjoying what we actually have. 

One might at some point feel that you have achieved that perfect moment but the next moment you know that it is not. It is not everlasting. One cannot hold that moment for long.

Perfection also means avoiding changes

This is very true that when you chase perfection you actually end up resisting changes. When you do not admit change you stop growing. Change is the law of the nature. Change is the only constant. Only when you are ready to accept you mistakes you will mend them. Only then you grow. Resisting to changes makes you stif and less flexible. You can break very easily. 

Jess Van Den says: The only you become successful and overcome the fear of perfectionism is to be consistent , and to be confident, and to show over and over and over again. 

Some quotes regarding perfectionism 

•You should strive for excellence.

•If you are always waiting to reach prefer you will never be happy.

•The idea of perfectionism can really hold us back from achievements.

•The idea of something being perfect is an illusion. 

•Just start it, build it and grow it(Jess).

An experiment was conducted in which one group was asked to build a project in its most perfect way in just one time and the other group was asked to perform the same project with. The second group was allowed to remake the projects as many times as possible. The end results show that group who were allowed to remake the project performed far better then the other group. 

This experiment clearly show that learning from mistakes helps you grow. This makes you more perfect, mature a being. You realise where your limited energy needs to be invested. Your life becomes more direction oriented. 

Have you ever noticed that every grain of rice is different from the other. Every almond is different. No two pieces are of the same pattern, colour. No two leaves of a huge tree similar. No two apples you will find exact same. That is the level of intelligence this nature posses. Nature clearly adores uniqueness. 

In chasing perfectionism we often end up losing uniqueness. Everyone of us is a different being. Isn't it beautiful? When you let let go perfection you also are made to face your emotions head on. You develop a healthier and stronger relationship which helps you move smoothly with less friction. 

Believe in self-love rather than perfection.

When you embrace yourself you are less likely to be bothered by others. When you accept your mistakes it becomes easier for you to move on. Everybody has their share of faults and flaws. These faults and flaws helps you develop maturity.

With maturity you stop focusing on less important things. Therefore it is always wise to not run after perfection. We must strive to achieve excellence in anything we do. This is far more satisfying then perfection. 

Read more:Benefits of journaling you must know

Frequently asked questions:

Q.1.Is perfection an illusion?

The idea of perfection to a large extent illusion. It keeps us from achieveing something great. It keeps us from accepting our mistakes, flaws. Excellence is what must be chased instead of perfection. 

Q.2.Does perfection not exist?

More then perfection there exists irregularities. Everything about humanity is approximate. 

Q.3.What did Einstein mean by reality is an illusion?

Einstein means that reality is what is in your mind. It depends on how you perceive the world. It is less dependent on outside.

Read more:How can we avoid Procrastination -what are the 5ways to avoid Procrastination

Slow Reading Benefits

 Table of contents 

•What is slow reading?

•Medical conditions of slow reading 

•How to practice slow reading?

•Benefits of slow reading 

Slow Reading Benefits 

What is slow reading?

Slow reading is the process of reading where you read things carefully without subscribing to the pressure of time. This can also be called as reading between the lines. In slow reading you try to absorbed the most of what is written andore importantly what is intended to write.

What are the medical conditions leading to slow reading?

There are several medical conditions that can compel an individual to read slowly. When one suffers from vision impairment, our reading can slow down. Dyslexia or ADHD are also conditions when one suffers internally leading to the decrement of residing speed. 

Here we are about to see how concious slow reading can benefit us. For those who enjoys reading slow, reading can be an experience reading as an act to fun, joy, peace. It stirs your intellect. Reading also helps you slow down in this fast moving digital world.

This digital era

We all know that today we are living in an era where tonnes of articles, books, pamphlets are available for reading just at a click. This makes us face the problem of decision fatigue. We end up scanning through social much that there is more of scanning and less of reading. 

'With the benefit of wider access to information comes the cost of a diminished attention span' said Erik Estep, when reviewing a book about slow reading. The problem with scanning is that it is reducing our attention span. This is mainly due to the change in our reading habits. 

These days all of us are more focused on scanning through facts rather then reading things for the pure purpose of enjoyment. Slow , deep , intentional reading helps you soak in the emotions, aesthetics that has been put in that piece of work. 

Research shows that these days we are suffering Goldfish Effect. A goldfish has an attention span of 8 seconds only and not so surprisingly average human attention span has also dropped to 8 seconds in 2013 which was 12 seconds in 2000.  Internet and digitalisation has heavily contributed towards this shift. 

How to practice slow reading? 

•Reading is no doubt an important for self improvement but slow reading is even better. Here are few tips you can follow if you are thinking about slow reading. 

•Choose a place where you are comfortable for reading. Prefer hard copies instead of starting with soft ones. 

•Take a book, magzine, newspaper or anything of your interest. Be choosy. 

•Shut down all your screens and do away with all the beeps, rings, pop-ups, to eliminate any sort of distractions. 

•Read when you are in a good mood and not you are low on energy (feeling lethargic).

•Read slowly. Stop at every paragraph and page and keep asking yourself what you read. Do not hurry?

•Keep a pen with you while reading so that you can highlight, take notes. This will help you engage better with the books. Remember quality of reading is more important then quantity. 

•Take pauses. Do not rush to finish your book. Be slow reflective of what you are reading. Keep asking questions. 

What are the benefits of slow reading?

Better understanding: when you read slowly, you grasp things better. It is like reading inbetween the lines. You understand the hidden meaning of the text. Patterns, maps, outlines are visible which can be easily missed if you simply scan through the book.

Reading reduces stress: when you take to slow reading you end up spending more time with yourself less distracted with other things around. This makes you forget the pressure of time. Less pressure means less stress and a calmer you.

Helps reduce memory loss: research suggests that reading is a mentaly challenging task. This stimulates our brain. Reading helps in better memory retention over a longer period of time. 

Boost focus level: consistent reading improves our attention span. It helps brain boost it muscles power required for concentration. The more you read the better your concentration gets.

Helps understand the text better: the more you read the more better you get at understanding the written text. You will be able to spot the symbolism used, metaphors and references used in the text.

All these pleasures would be missed if you simply skim and scan through the pages of the text. The real meaning is difficult to find when doing surface reading. That why slow reading is always preferred. 

Read more: How to avoid Procrastination -what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination

FAQs

Q.1.Can a slow reader be smart?

Research shows that reading is a mentally challenging task which helps grow our intellect but slow reading has several other benefits too. Most importantly it helps you analysis things that are not visible at the surface level.

Q.2.What does 30 minutes of reading do to your brain?

Research suggests that reading for 30 minutes a day strengthens your brain capacity. 

Q.3.Is reading better then watching television?

At any given time reading is better then watching television as when we are engaged in watching television we have to do the least amount of work to understand a thing but while we read we are suppose put some efforts to understand.  We become an active consumer rather then a passive one in case of television. 

Deep Breathing - A powerful tool to healthy living

Table of contents 

•What is deep breathing?

•Types of deep breathing 

•Health benefits of deep breathing 

•How to do deep breathing?

Deep Breathing - A powerful tool to healthy living

Everybody knows that breathing is a natural and vital process of our body that is controlled by the respiratory center of our brain. It starts when the foetus is in the  womb of the mother and ends only when we die. Breathing continues throughout our lifetime nonstop. 

Even though it is an automatic process we can control and use it for our benefit. Scientific research suggests that deep breathing has a number of benefits on our health. It reduces stress, anxiety, hyper tension, blood pressure and helps you stay calm. 

There are different types of breathing we might knowingly or unknowingly follow. 

Types of breathing 

•Eupnea (quiet breathing): this is the type of breathing we are often involved in. When we are unaware of our breath this is how we breathe. Here both diaphragm and external intercostal muscles contracts.

•Costal breathing(shallow breathing): it uses intercoastal muscles (muscles between ribs). These muscles relaxes when air leaves the lungs.

•Diaphragmatic breathing: here diaphragm muscles contracts. Deep breathing incorporate this type of breathing. 

•Hyperpnea: here active inhalation and exhalation occurs due to muscle contractions. 

It is best to breath from your belly. Long inhalation and long exhalation is always recommended. It helps you relax in a panic situation within five minutes of practice. Before stepping on the stage for your presentation practice deep breathing for 5 minutes and see how relaxed and confident you feel . 

Try this excercise now. See how it felt before and after deep breathing. Your experience of positive change will make you do it again and again effortlessly. 

Deep breathing has many health benefits 

Deep breathing let's you inhale more amount of oxygen which is good for brain, blood and all other parts of the body. Have you ever wondered why we yawn? We yawn to take in more oxygen as we take to shallow breathing while we are tired. This reduces the oxygen supply. It is a way of our intelligent body to inhale more oxygen. 

Slow breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) system. This system is responsible to save energy needed for urination and digestion. It also activates vagus nerve. It takes care of the bodily functions like stress, emotions, heart rate and digestion. 

Deep breathing helps you with

•Stress, anxiety, depression 

•Improves your focus 

•Helps you sleep better

•Boosts your immunity 

•Improves your lungs capacity 

How to engage in deep breathing?

• Sit in relaxed position with your spine comfortably erect. Place your one hand on the belly initially to feel contractions and explanations. 

•Inhale slowly from your belly. Your belly would expand with air. 

•Hold your breath there for atleast 10- 16 seconds. Keep counting. 

•Now slowly exhale through mouth. Feel the contraction of your lungs. 

•Repeate this process for atleast 10 breaths in one go. 

There are few more tips and tricks that can be followed when you a beginner to this process. 

Make it a routine work: you must practice deep breathing for atleast 10- 15 minutes per day. Everyone should. This will have a number of benefits on our health. Include this in your morning routine. It is best as the freshness in the morning makes you feel even better. 

Deep breathe before a performance: whenever you think that you are about to face a stressful situation you should deep breathe for atleast 5 times. It will instantly calm you down and let you perform well or handle a situation with maturity. Panics would reduce and you would respond to the situation rather then reacting. 

One can do it anywhere anytime without anyone knowing that you are doing something. While breathing in or out be careful to do it as slowly as possible. It is said that your exhalation should be so quite calm and slow that if a feather is kept under your nostril it should not move. 

Do you know this fact that a tortoise life span is around 80-200 years while that of a dog is 10-15 years. A tortoise breathes only 4 times a minute while that a dog breathes 15-35 times in one minute while at rest. This example clearly tells us about the importance of slow breathing. 

Read more: How to avoid Procrastination - what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination

FAQs: 

Q.1.What is the 4-7-8 breathing technique for?

It is breathing technique where you count to 4 while inhalation then hold your breath upto 7 counts and then slowly releases the air counting until 8. It helps you deep breathe properly.

Q.2.What is the correct way to breathe?

Start breathing from your nose slowly engaging your stomach in the process where your diaphragm contracts and belly expands filling up your lungs with air. This is the best way to breathe.

Q.3.What causes weak lungs?

Pneumonia , pulmonary embolism , cystic fibrosis, COPD( chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) are conditions where our lungs get affected. These conditions are symbolic of weak health of lungs.

Stay Socially connected !!

Stay Socially connected !

 

Table Of contents 

•Is social connection important?

•Types of social connections

•How to improve social connections?

•Benefits of social connections on your health 

•Few more tips and tricks to improve connections 

What is social connection?

Social connection is relationship(bonding) with others,which often helps us physically, emotionally, financially and promotes a sense of belonging brotherhood. Relationship in any community promotes sense of security and well- being.

Is social connectedness important?

Human is a social being. Since always people have known the benefits of living in a group. Since prehistoric times people have known how grouping helps with protection, security, support, identity and knowledge sharing.

Research shows that remaining engulfed in loneliness and isolation for a long period of time might impact our mental and physical well-being.  It's effects can be seen in our ability to work personal lines ability to deal with challenges.

With social support our potential to accept challenges increases. We become resilient to uncertainties. Our risk taking appetite also boosts up. Overall confidence contributes positively to our physical and mental health.

Types of social connections 

There are various types of social connection we make as per convenience, situations. With some we are born, some are made by us depending on our,needs,likes, dislikes. 

•Romantic Relationship 

•Friendship

•Familial Bonds

•Support Groups 

•Community (online/offline)

•Professional Networks

•Cultural Groups

•Spiritual Groups

How to improve your social connections?

There are times when all we want to do is talk, on some other day we just want to listen, nod head to whatever is being said. These small gestures also makes us feel valuable, worth living.

Sharing, supporting somebody cross road , spending time with someone in the park nearby makes you feel lively. Engaging in activities together, celebrating various festivals together, comming together to sing dance laugh spreads the warth across the community.

Let us now see how one can actually improve their social connections 

Be aware of yourself: Track down your behaviour with yourself and the people around. Choose to respond rather then reacting on any given situation. This will help you build or break any kind of relationship.

Stay connected to your family: Even though we are connected to the world today we have developed a tendency to remain aloof to our own immediate family. This need to be carefully looked into. We should talk on phone or meet personally to keep in touch with our own family.

Promote friendly behaviour: Be polite , wear a smile(best jewellery )on your face. This helps dissolve in the environment promoting light mood all around. Always wear a smile at work place. A simple smile can reduce your anxiety, panics and bosst connections with your colleagues.

Spend time around people: One can develope a routine to take a short walk in your near by park or visit a nearby club for small chit- chat. This would help you explore more people and grow your acquaintance. Besides it is good to talk to strangers (random people) sometimes. This boosts your confidence. It also helps you develop new insights. You see the world from a different lense. 

Participate in social events: One must participate in online or offline events small or big. Engage in activities of your interest to foster social bondings.

Be the pioneer: This tip is specially for those who are introverts. You must consciously reach to people you care about. Be the one who initiates the talk rather then sitting in a corner and waiting for others to come to you and talk.

Spend time with people: Choose a rendom topic and discuss with people you would like to spend time with. This would be a fun activity. Make everyone participate actively. Make them feel that every opinion matters.

Be present: It is very disturbing to see someone using their phone while sitting on sofa with guests around. Screens should be kept away. Face - to- face communication,eye contact, smile brings warmth and closeness. 

Benefits of social connections on your health 

Research shows that social connections have several benefits on your physical and mental health.

•It makes you challenge resilient, confident and cooperative at the same time.

•It improves your overall mental and physical health.

•It brings down your cortisol and strengthens y our immunity system by reducing your stress and anxiety.

•It gives you better memory an d focus. Also improves your sleep quality.

•It also helps you live longer.

Few more tips and tricks:

•Take care of your online social connections also. 

•Re-establish your connections with the people connected to your past(schools, colleges).

•Refrain from talking bad about anybody. This polluted your reputation. 

•Watch your words. Talk politely until there is a need to change your tone.

Remember that these little changes will help us grow your social connections. Many people to talk means many opinions, many insights, many lenses to see the same world. You will gather a whole lot of stories, experiences and perspectives. This will definitely make you grow wiser through time. 

Read more:Habit Stacking : A wonderful tool

FAQs:

Q.2.How do you feel socially connected?

Spending time with others, expressing gratitude towards them getting involved in any activity makes you feel connected.

Q.2.Is social connection a human need?

Social connections are our biological need. We have evolved to stay in groups for security, evolution. 

Q.3.What is a societal connection?

The relationships that we share with the people around us is known as societal connections. Our family, friends, co-workers are examples of some of them.

Visualisation - A Technique to Reach your Goal Faster!!

 Table of contents 

•What is visualisation?

•Does visualisation really works?

•Is this technique helpful for growth?

•How to practice visualisation?

•More tips and tricks to practice visualisation 

Visualisation - A Technique to Reach your Goal Faster!!

Visualisation is the concious (deliberate) practice of thinking of a particular situation as true in present moment. We usually imagine positive  bright successful future in present. 

Visualisation is most effective when all the five senses are put to use. Smell, taste, touch,sight and hearing are engaged in the process of imagination. The more the sensual your imagination is better it is.

Visualisation directs the subconscious mind to look for ways to fulfill your imagined goal. Brain gets fooled to take the imagined situation as the present reality. That's how it ends up manifesting as the reality. This is how the technique of visualisation work.

Types of visualisation 

Outcome visualisation: Here we repeatedly visualise the desired outcome skipping through the process. 

Process visualisation: Here we are more focused on the steps (process) how to go about achieving the desired outcome. 

When both processes are used in combination it produces the best results. 

Does visualisation really works?

There is no denial that we are overload with news, entertainment, e-mails, pop-ups in this digital era. These are meant to keep us constantly distracted.

Visualisation is a technique that helps you shape your future your way through your power of imagination. Best thing is it do not costs you even a penny. It's for free and absolutely in your hand to create a future of your own choice.

Visualisation requires creative vivid imagination ability where you direct your brain to focus on something that matters to you. This is also called as selective attention.

Have you ever noticed the things you focus on consciously focus on tends to manifest in reality. Last time you bought a white t-shirt now you suddenly to your surprise finds that every other person is wearing a white t-shirt on the street. It was always this way. It is just that we were ignorant earlier now we are noticing it. 

Research suggests that our brain cannot distinguish between past, present and future. Whatever we imagine with our senses involved in taken as true ( happenings of present) for our neuroimagery brain. 

Remember the day when you were new to driving, you would always imagine yourself hitting another car. This fear would be so real that you would actually end up scratching or bumping into someone. 

Is this technique helpful for growth?

From top class athletes to CEOs uses this technique to come up with their best performance. They would consciously imagine situations where they come out as winners as vividly as possible. This is like mental excercise. Athletes are trained to visualise their performance and their victory before running the race. CEOs visualise their best presention before getting to the stage.

Visualisation before actual performance also boosts your confidence. It acts as a mental rehearsal charing you up for the real performance. This helps you fine- tune yourself at the eleventh hour. It helps you reduce anxiety,stress claiming you down. 

How to practice visualisation?

Before starting with the actual process first you need to track yourself down. Ask yourself questions like what you want, what are your short and long term goals.

•Choose an area to which you want to apply this technique to.

•Choose a peaceful corner,close your eyes and sit without any distraction.

•Engage all your senses and picturise vividly. Feel the joy, happiness as if you have already manifested your goal. 

Few more tips and tricks 

•Write down on paper all your desires in detail.

•Take needed actions towards your goal. Without action there is result. You cannot simply sit and imagine. You have to also work along with visualisation.

•Create a vision board where you have pictures related to your goals. Spend time before your board for atleast 15 minutes every day. 

•Expose yourself to the kind of lifestyle you want to live in future. Go to fancy restaurant just have a coffee and come back with the experience. 

•Use flash cards: This would help you every now and then remember your goal and inspire you to take steps.

Suppose you want a house. Imagine the rooms, walls, windows location, lights of your desired house. Think that you are already living in it. Hear the music you would play, hear the sound of raindrops against the window. Feel the smell of the newly painted walls. Imagine the decors of the house, furnitures. Feel the temperature of the cold floor under your feet. Imagine yourself having a lavish dinner in the dinning hall. 

Vivid imagination helps you live the moment fooling your mind to believe that you  already have manifested your goal. This makes subconscious mind work towards fulfilment of the goal.

Few examples 

•Netflix series Queens Gambit illustrates the use of this technique.

•Former Navy Seals like David Goggings and Jocko Eillink has used this technique to realise their goals.

•Michael Phelps, a great wimmer who has won 28 Olympic medals also advocates use of this technique.

Read more: How to avoid Procrastination -What are the 5ways to avoid Procrastination?

Frequently Asked Questions 

Q.1 What do you mean by visualization?

It is a deliberate practice of positive imagination , picturisation of desired goals.

Q.2. What are the benefits of visualization?

Positive imagination encourages our motivation level, it helps us clam down reducing stress and anxiety it also helps us to face the up coming challenges headon.

 Q.3.When to use visualization?

It is best to start using this technique at the beginning itself. It will keep us motivated throughout our journey.