Are you self sabotaging. How to stop sabotaging yourself !

 

Table of contents

• Why do we self sabotage ourselves?
• Few red signs to identify if you are also self-sabotaging.
• Few subtle signs to observe and be careful about.
• How to stop self sabotage?
• Conclusion

Nobody conciously sabotages themselves but still all of us do it unknowingly. Self- sabotaging behaviours hinders your own progress. It hampers all arenas of life be it career, relationship. 

Taking steps that draws (pulls) you away from achieveing your goal intentionally or unintentionally is called as self- sabotaging behaviours. We all have done it at some point of life. We might hesitate to admit it. But we need to treat this behaviour.

Why do we self sabotage ourselves?

Self sabotage behaviour limits a persons ability to progress in a healthy manner. It acts as a coping mechanism for people in a stressful situation. This behaviour could be concious or an unconscious pattern followed by one under difficult situations.

In the book Stop Self Sabotage, Dr. Judy Ho explains self-destructive behaviour as a biological response. Self sabotage sets in especially when our values do not align with our behaviour. When we have to do something that we really do not want (like) to do.

Self sabotage can affect ones mental health as it prevents them from achieveing their goals. It can affect personal and professional success as well.

It becomes important to identify whether you are also suffering from such behaviour.

There are few red signs to identify if you are also self-sabotaging yourself.

• Procrastination: all of us has suffered this guilt of putting off things for later. We tend to procrastinate doing a task especially those we do not like. This brings down our confidence. It is never good to run away from your responsibility.
• Running after Perfectionism: striving to be perfect is not always good for us. Self-sabotaging people are often perfectionists. In order to do a task perfectly either we do not start a task or is unable to finish if started. We are more concerned about the details. This makes us feel stuck. 
• Lack of communication: we usually keep ourselves from communicating our insecurities, failures because we feel we will become vulnerable. But the opposite is true. When you admit you fear, insecurities you feel more confident as you have nothing to hide. 

When you need help with a project should ask for it rather then staying quite and doing it all by yourself. This will make you more confident and brave. Communication helps you convey your boundaries and necessities to your friends, family and colleagues. Lack of communication hinders your progress.

• Practicing self medication: there are times when people submit to stress and depression. Then they start soothing themselves with various kinds of drugs, alcohol. 

Few subtle signs to observe and be careful about:

• Constantly seeking for others approval.
• Reluctance to ask for help from others.
• Always self criticising and estimating unworthy of yourself.
• Not setting boundaries and unable to speak for yourself.
• Setting goals too low and undermining capacity.

How to stop self sabotage?

• Observe yourself and look for the root cause of the problems: look for patterns in your life. Try to find the real cause of your problems. Only when you know the underlying reason that triggers a perticular behaviour you can develop a coping mechanism. 
• Do not run after Perfectionism: in the desire to do everything perfectly Perfectionist people overthinks the details. Instead of perfection one must strive for excellence. Consistent small improvements helps you progress in the long run. 
• Write down your plans and follow them: it is always advisable to write down your plans of the day. This helps you bring clearly in your thoughts. Once you complete them put a right Mark at the end of the day. This feels like a reward to your brain. It develops addiction to not break the chain of the tick mark and motivates you follow your plans each day.
• Practice mindfulness and remain aware: practicing mindfulness for even 10 minutes a day will help you calm down. Pay attention to your passing thoughts and do not be judgemental about them.

Take few long and deep breaths for sometime. This will help you bring back your focus. Practice self - compassion. Pamper yourself with any small reward when you accomplish a goal npo matter how small it is. Give yourself a pudding or gift yourself a new tshirt. This will make you feel worthy in your own eyes.

• Communicate as much as possible: it becomes important to communicate with others either your manager, seniors or juniors at work or even in relationship. Miscommunication can lead to several numbers of problems. The more you speak the less fearful you will get.

Let people know about your insecurities. This will make you leso s fearful from within. When you voice your concerns you often get support of others. This will make you stronger in the long run.

Conclusion

Self-sabotaging is a behaviour that is practiced by humans universally. At times this can be painful and challenging. But by cultivating self -awareness, using technology rightly, seeking help you can navigate through this strongly. But remember, with right strategies and intention we can develop a coping mechanism. Remember you are not alone in this struggle and there are a number of recourses to support your journey to growth and self -development.

Read more: Benefits of journaling

Frequently asked questions:

Q.1 Are you self- sabotaging your relationship?

It becomes important to check if you are among those who self sabotage their relationships before it gets to late to fix or mend. Some signs you can look for are jealousy, often criticising others of having difficulty in maintaining a relationship.

Q.2.Why do people sabotage romantic relationships?

People often sabotages their relationship with their partners for various reasons like trust issues, high unrealistic expectations, poor self- esteem and also lack of their ability to handle a relationship.

Q.3. Is self- sabotage good?

Self-sabotaging behaviour is never good for anyone in under any circumstances. It hinders your progress and can also be detrimental to our mental and emotional health.

Read more:How to avoid Procrastination -what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination