Apologise with grace: The power of apology !

 

Table of contents 

• Benefits of apologising
• Why is it tough to apologise?
• When to apologise to someone ?
• Things to keep in mind

As I am new to driving I scratched a white car on the road. Rage was an obvious expectation. But just then I pulled down my window and apologised for my mistake. I also explained him I was new to driving and traffic was heavy to handle.

The other person was furious initially but with my apology and explaination his anger dissipated. He was instead more concerned about me now. He also gave me few tips to drive safe in that heavy traffic. That day I realised the power of an apology.

Most people accepts your apology if they see your intension is genuine and pure. It is an important ritual which can save you eight out of ten times. An apology has the power to desolve anger and end misunderstandings.

Research shows that receiving an apology has a positive impact also on our physical and mental health. It reduces blood pressure, slows down heart rate bringing stability to your breath. Both the giver and the receiver are at peace(benefits).

 Benefits of apologising

Apology can be an important way to mend relationships( personal or professional). We feel better after making an apology. Let us see what are the possible benefits of making a sincere apology.

• Apology dissipates anger:when you apologise to others they feel less hurt and their self -respect is not hampered. This helps them calm down restore peace in any situation. The anger rage dissipates cooling down the surrounding atmosphere. 
• It helps mend relationships: when the one in front of you feels safe and secure there is a chance to restore the relationship. When an apology is made it helps people feel their dignity is restored. Mending relations then becomes easier. 
• It brings dignity for those you hurt: have you stumbled upon someone and spilt your cold coffee over his white shirt. Instead of making excuses you simply ask for an apology and most of the time you will save yourself from some real troubles. This is human nature to forgive. 
• It helps build back trust: when you apologise you not only handle the situation but also builds trust. You have to keep the promise and see you do repeat the mistake. 

Why is it tough to apologise?

Since childhood we are taught to apologise, still there are times we hesitate from apologising. Sometimes we suffer mixed feelings.

• Many times we fear our apology would be taken for granted. Even though others are also involved in the conflict you being the first to apologise makes them feel they are fault free. The entire blame is put on you. 
• Sometimes an apology can also bring attention to a mistake that may not have been noticed before. 
• Our ego also keeps us from apologising.

However, in the long run an apology opens doors for resolution, restores positive feelings.

When to apologise to someone ?

When you realise something you did knowingly or unknowingly might have hurt someone's feelings you can decide to apologise or atleast have a discussion over the issue whenever possible. 

• When you hurt someone physically or emotionally intentionally or unintentionally.
• When you cannot stand to your commitments (promise). You could not attend a football match you planned with your friends the last weekend.
• You judged someone and talked bad (I'll) of them in front of others.
• You were disrespectful to someone in private or in public.

You can apologise to someone with a handwritten note or send an apology email or ask for a lunch or you can come up with some creative idea of your own that would please the other person. 

Things to keep in mind

• Take responsibility and accountability : when you indulge in a conflicting situation it is good to take responsibility and hold yourself accountable for your part of mistake. Do not take responsibility of others also as it would make you look weak and vulnerable. Buy it is no shame to be humble enough to ask for apology for your own mistake. Instead it makes you more sensible and a responsible person. 
• Communicate well : you should always clear all the points of clashes and inconveniences. Communicating well makes job easier. You have less efforts to put to convince your innocence to others. 
• Say sorry first and do not complicate it: do not hesitate to apologise first. Instead of waiting or forcing others to apologise you make the move and apologise. Keep your apology simple. Do not complicate things with lots of unnecessary explanations. 

Conclusion 

Apologising is not always easy but it is an important gesture to maintain or mend a relation. An honest apology will help you combat many conflicts which has no meaning in the long run. Do not hesitate to apologise with an open heart as it has the power to deminish the deepest wounds or scars. 

It is not for you to stress over the fact that the other will forgive you or not, you just do your part. Sometimes it takes time for some to forgive truly. Not apologising even when it is your fault can be detrimental for your professional or personal relations. This brings resentment, anger, disliking and feel of hate. A sincere apology brings relief for all.

Read more:Benefits of journaling

Frequently asked questions:

Q.1.What are the 5 R's of apology?

Recognition, remorse, responsibility, 

Read more: restitution and repetition are known as the 5 R's of an apology. Whenever you make an apology to someone you should these five qualities to make it look honest and genuine.

Q.2. How do you respond to sorry professionally?

You can say I accept your apology or don't worry about it. It happens or you can also say no problem. 

Q.3. How do you apologize in a simple way?

You can simply express remorse over your mistake and promise that it won't happen again and also take steps to make amendments to repair the damage. 

Read more: How to avoid Procrastination -what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination

Benefits Of Being Alone Without Being Lonely !

 

Table of contents 

• Negetive impacts of loneliness 
• When solitude becomes beneficial 
• What are the benefits of being alone?
• Conclusion 

Not all of us  understand that spending time with yourself is a luxury in this busy world. Being alone is far different from being lonely. Loneliness is when you suffer solitude but being alone can be a moment of pleasure. 

When you are alone you can utilise this opportunity to unwind, reflect and be creative.  Spending time with yourself can have many positive outcomes.Being alone is different from being lonely.

Loneliness is a suffering. We can be alone and miserable. We suffer loneliness when we are devoid of social and emotional needs. 

Social loneliness is when we do get support from society ( peers, family, friends or colleagues).

Emotional loneliness is experienced when there is lack of intimacy between romantic partners or parents, children or family relations.

Loneliness can lead to stress and depression if left untreated for a longer period of time. Loneliness becomes problematic when you feel emptiness from within. Helplessness sweeps in making you feel unworthy and invaluable.

Negetive impacts of loneliness on

• Mental health: researches shows that loneliness can increase stress,anxiety. It can disturb your sleep cycles and also promote poor self- esteem. People suffering from such loneliness can take to self- isolation cutting themselves from the rest of the world. 
• Physical health: isolation when not done out of choice can impact your body and mind severely. Depression and anxiety are it's most obvious symptoms. It can also lead to increased heart disease and strokes. You can also suffer Type 2 diabetes. Therefore it becomes extremely important to treat loneliness and not let it hamper your mind and body.
• Emotional health: when you are alone and not by choice you suffer your company. Many a times you suffer emotionally. It is advisable to cry and let all your emotions of anger, pain, suffering flow out. You will feel relieved after a while. You will also sleep better. 

When solitude becomes beneficial 

Not always people suffer being alone. Instead it can be taken as an opportunity to spend time with yourself. You can utilise these precious moments to revisit, reflect on your life. You can also indulge in activities like watching your favourite long awaited movie or reading that book which has been lying in your shelf since months or you can eat your favourite snack. 

It looks difficult to slow down and take breaks in this busy schedule. But adding some quite moments to your routine will help you immensely in the long run. 

Here are few things you can do when you next time find yourself alone. This will help you boost confidence and enjoy your own company.

• Visit a museum:  it is a great way to spend time with yourself. You can enjoy your own company without bothering about others schedule, reaction while checking out things at the museum. 
• Learn something new: this is very satisfying. You can join a group where they teach playing piano, or learn salsa, or you can join coocking class anything of your interest. You will feel different and exuberant. 

Learning new things especially of your interest is a great way to uplift your mood. It is always rewarding to invest your time in doing something you like. 

• Do some drawings: you need be an artist to draw. Just take a pen and paper and start scribbling. This will help you empty yourself mind. Drawing is a good way to bring out the hidden creativity.
• Meditate (deep breathing): when alone try to draw your attention on your breath. Observe quietly your inhalation and exhalation. Long deep breaths for atleast 10 minutes a day helps calm down monkey mind. This is the best way to rejuvenates yourself. It will bring clearity to you and boost your aura.
• Go to movies and dinner alone: spend lone some time. Watch movies of your interest,eat food that you like. Initially you may find it odd but with time you will start enjoying your own company. You will see you are able to enjoy your food, movie little more as now you are free from worries about others taste and opinions. 

What are the benefits of being alone?

There are innumerous benefits of being alone. It is like a blessing in disguise. It is important to balance your loneliness time with social connections. Here are a few benefits to bring your attention the importance of being alone.

• Makes you creative:when you are alone you explore more. Then you are not concerned about others likes or dislikes giving you freedom to dig deep into your inner creativity. You are bothered about being judged if any thing not so good happens. You laugh at your mistakes and flaws. Your inner creativity develops only when you are not ready to make mistakes. 
• You learn to priorities your intrest: when you are alone do not sit doing others work. Instead you choose to finish your own task first. When you revisit and reflect your past you can find out what matters most for your growth. You need to take the responsibility and keep your interest above others. This the only way to progress either in your office or around any other situation.
• Improves your concentration and memory: reflecting on things that has happened again and again helps see those details that has been missed earlier. You develop new insights about from the same incident. This is also a memory excercise for brain. It improves retention power of the brain. Focus also develops leading to improved concentration and enhanced memory. 
• Gives you space: in this busy world where every minute is occupied with something or the other spending time alone is a blessing according to me. When you are all by yourself away from busy citylife and social media you can slow yourself down. Breath in and breathe out. Feel the air, water, nature around you. 

When you have no targets to achieve, no deadlines to meet, no pressure to attend a meeting or give a presentation you can just be by yourself. Enjoy your company. When you give yourself some space it rejuvenates you from within. 

• You become grateful: when you alone you realise how blessed you are to have so many advantages in life over others. You have healthy food to eat, fresh water to drink, plenty of oxygen to breathe. You wear the best of shoes, have parents to look after you and so many small and big advantages without which life would have been miserable. Thanking God for his blessings should be part of our daily routine. You should practice gratitude for every big and small things.

Besides all these you can also engage yourself into doing some service to the society. Research shows that we feel a sense of purpose when help others who are more vulnerable then us. Helping us makes us feel more empowered and worthy. You can provide some food to the nearby orphanage or donate blood once in a while or simply sit with a homeless poor and councel him about better living. These small gestures can go a long way to develop connections and sense of purpose to your life.

Conclusion 

Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert little high- quality time every now and then would be good for your overall well- being. Lone time must be utilised for cultivating your passion, or digging deep with a view to know yourself better. You can also simply take to rest where you would only feel like relaxing pulling yourself away from this busy life. 

Read more: Can Introverts become successful Leaders - Myths about Leadership Busted

Frequently asked questions :

Q.1. Is it normal to be OK with being alone?

It is perfectly alright to be alone especially when you enjoy doing things all by yourself. Being alone is not same as being lonely. When lonely makes you feel miserable but you can ofcourse be alone and happy as you enjoy the peace around you.

Q.2. How to stay strong alone?

To stay strong you can include some practice in your daily routine. First of all you need to stop comparing yourself with others. You should be bold and do new activities that boosts your confidence. You should join community where you can provide some service as a responsible citizen.

Q.3.Can I be happier alone?

Being alone can be a positive and enriching experience with right kind of mindset. It could be your loneliness time where you can enjoy your favourite activities without any distraction. 

Read more:Benefits of journaling

Are you self sabotaging. How to stop sabotaging yourself !

 

Table of contents

• Why do we self sabotage ourselves?
• Few red signs to identify if you are also self-sabotaging.
• Few subtle signs to observe and be careful about.
• How to stop self sabotage?
• Conclusion

Nobody conciously sabotages themselves but still all of us do it unknowingly. Self- sabotaging behaviours hinders your own progress. It hampers all arenas of life be it career, relationship. 

Taking steps that draws (pulls) you away from achieveing your goal intentionally or unintentionally is called as self- sabotaging behaviours. We all have done it at some point of life. We might hesitate to admit it. But we need to treat this behaviour.

Why do we self sabotage ourselves?

Self sabotage behaviour limits a persons ability to progress in a healthy manner. It acts as a coping mechanism for people in a stressful situation. This behaviour could be concious or an unconscious pattern followed by one under difficult situations.

In the book Stop Self Sabotage, Dr. Judy Ho explains self-destructive behaviour as a biological response. Self sabotage sets in especially when our values do not align with our behaviour. When we have to do something that we really do not want (like) to do.

Self sabotage can affect ones mental health as it prevents them from achieveing their goals. It can affect personal and professional success as well.

It becomes important to identify whether you are also suffering from such behaviour.

There are few red signs to identify if you are also self-sabotaging yourself.

• Procrastination: all of us has suffered this guilt of putting off things for later. We tend to procrastinate doing a task especially those we do not like. This brings down our confidence. It is never good to run away from your responsibility.
• Running after Perfectionism: striving to be perfect is not always good for us. Self-sabotaging people are often perfectionists. In order to do a task perfectly either we do not start a task or is unable to finish if started. We are more concerned about the details. This makes us feel stuck. 
• Lack of communication: we usually keep ourselves from communicating our insecurities, failures because we feel we will become vulnerable. But the opposite is true. When you admit you fear, insecurities you feel more confident as you have nothing to hide. 

When you need help with a project should ask for it rather then staying quite and doing it all by yourself. This will make you more confident and brave. Communication helps you convey your boundaries and necessities to your friends, family and colleagues. Lack of communication hinders your progress.

• Practicing self medication: there are times when people submit to stress and depression. Then they start soothing themselves with various kinds of drugs, alcohol. 

Few subtle signs to observe and be careful about:

• Constantly seeking for others approval.
• Reluctance to ask for help from others.
• Always self criticising and estimating unworthy of yourself.
• Not setting boundaries and unable to speak for yourself.
• Setting goals too low and undermining capacity.

How to stop self sabotage?

• Observe yourself and look for the root cause of the problems: look for patterns in your life. Try to find the real cause of your problems. Only when you know the underlying reason that triggers a perticular behaviour you can develop a coping mechanism. 
• Do not run after Perfectionism: in the desire to do everything perfectly Perfectionist people overthinks the details. Instead of perfection one must strive for excellence. Consistent small improvements helps you progress in the long run. 
• Write down your plans and follow them: it is always advisable to write down your plans of the day. This helps you bring clearly in your thoughts. Once you complete them put a right Mark at the end of the day. This feels like a reward to your brain. It develops addiction to not break the chain of the tick mark and motivates you follow your plans each day.
• Practice mindfulness and remain aware: practicing mindfulness for even 10 minutes a day will help you calm down. Pay attention to your passing thoughts and do not be judgemental about them.

Take few long and deep breaths for sometime. This will help you bring back your focus. Practice self - compassion. Pamper yourself with any small reward when you accomplish a goal npo matter how small it is. Give yourself a pudding or gift yourself a new tshirt. This will make you feel worthy in your own eyes.

• Communicate as much as possible: it becomes important to communicate with others either your manager, seniors or juniors at work or even in relationship. Miscommunication can lead to several numbers of problems. The more you speak the less fearful you will get.

Let people know about your insecurities. This will make you leso s fearful from within. When you voice your concerns you often get support of others. This will make you stronger in the long run.

Conclusion

Self-sabotaging is a behaviour that is practiced by humans universally. At times this can be painful and challenging. But by cultivating self -awareness, using technology rightly, seeking help you can navigate through this strongly. But remember, with right strategies and intention we can develop a coping mechanism. Remember you are not alone in this struggle and there are a number of recourses to support your journey to growth and self -development.

Read more: Benefits of journaling

Frequently asked questions:

Q.1 Are you self- sabotaging your relationship?

It becomes important to check if you are among those who self sabotage their relationships before it gets to late to fix or mend. Some signs you can look for are jealousy, often criticising others of having difficulty in maintaining a relationship.

Q.2.Why do people sabotage romantic relationships?

People often sabotages their relationship with their partners for various reasons like trust issues, high unrealistic expectations, poor self- esteem and also lack of their ability to handle a relationship.

Q.3. Is self- sabotage good?

Self-sabotaging behaviour is never good for anyone in under any circumstances. It hinders your progress and can also be detrimental to our mental and emotional health.

Read more:How to avoid Procrastination -what are the 5 ways to avoid Procrastination